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| Rated: 5.00/5 | Votes: 5 | Views: 167 |Submitted: 03/24/09 |
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Dark Reel
Once upon a time, a fair maiden deliberated over a martini while sitting prettily, when a handsome gentleman approached. This gentleman tapped into her personal sin of vanity and she is promptly punished for her self righteousness. This begins Dark Reel, a movie directed by Josh Eisenstadt and written by Aaron Pope. I have to say, there is no way to review this movie properly without giving away too much information, so please note the spoiler alert that will be coming shortly. If you plan on seeing the movie, you may as well stop reading. However, I am going to go out on a limb and guess that you’re reading this because you will never see this movie, and for that I commend you. In Dark Reel, a young B movie starlet Scarlett May dies Black Dahlia-style. Flash to 53 years later (and please remember that number), and we see a movie set by the name of Pirate Wench. Studio chief Connor Pritchett, played by Lance Henriksen, churns out these low-budget horror movies (Gnome Killers anyone?), but when his right-hand man Harris Briggs, played by Emmanuel Xuereb, suggests they run a contest for a fan to win a walk-on role, he figures it’s good publicity. Enter Adam Waltz, the diehard horror fan who wins the role. Played by Edward Furlong, he’s excited for this chance to be in a movie. Lead actress Cassie Blue welcomes him with open arms, and an open bed. Cassie’s played by Tiffany Shepis who actually was very good, and whose resume is filled with movies such as this, and Bonnie & Clyde vs. Dracula. Not long after Adam walks onto the set, an actress is murdered by someone wearing a blonde wig and what I am assuming is a face mask of Scarlett May. Together, Cassie’s and Adam’s sweet love blossoms as they try to solve this and the next few murders that occur. This movie plays with what could be a decent horror story line and mixes it with some interesting and colorful humor. For example, Tony Todd, recently seen on 24, plays the lead detective on the case. He and his partner try to solve the crime while acting as caricatures of themselves. Come on, his partner, played by Rena Riffel, questions a witness in a low-cut tank top. I know this is set in L.A., but seriously. (She’s redeemed, however, because she is in one of my favorite bad movies, Showgirls.) I digress, which is easy to do with this movie. I want to say I enjoyed it for its humor and goofiness that thankfully wasn’t too blatantly over the top, but something really bothers me. See below. Spoiler alert! The twist at the end of the movie is that Scarlett May had a son right before she died. (Out of wedlock GASP!) Now, remember how there was a 53-year span between her death and the making of Pirate Wench? Well, apparently her son is the Pirate Wench killer. Which would make him, say, about 53 years old, right? Is he at least 53 years old? Um, no. Her son is none other than Harris Briggs, the right-hand man to studio exec Connor. Apparently he’s avenging his mother’s death. Let me tell you that my eyes rolled in such a circular motion that I gave myself a headache when this was revealed. If you don’t know who this actor is (Emmanuel Xuereb), look him up. He is CLEARLY not 53 years old. Please know, I am not a math genius, I am a writer. I spend every day, 40 hours a week, avoiding math by writing. However, I know enough to piece together this, ahem, complex, puzzle. And while I was enjoying this movie for what it was, (no less, no more), this nonsensical revelation halted my joy train in its path. I do want to add that a background actor truly stood out with his scene-stealing humor. Sound Guy (yes that’s his credit) played by Justin Neill was a riot. Alright so I spoiled who one of the killers is, but at least I didn’t say who killed Scarlett. So get over it. Not like you’re going to watch the movie anyway. Best line: “Snakes on a Crane? What do you think of that idea?” Sidenote: I’d be interested in seeing The Making of Gnome Killers 2, the mock-umentary that takes place two years after the events in Dark Reel. Reviewer: Sharon Foss |
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