Well, folks, it's that time of year again.  The weather is boiling, the dogs are running for cover under the porch, and it's impossible to make ice last more than ten minutes in open air. Your energy bills are through the roof or you're suffering through the hell that is trying to sleep without an air conditioner on.  It's that time of year when you'll go see crap like Space Chimps and Meet Dave just to spend ninety minutes in cold, dark bliss.
 
Being as committed to his readership as a man can possibly be without a straitjacket or a civil ceremony, this month's top ten list is made just for you--the top ten cold horror movies. 
 
Sink your feet in some ice water and draw the shades, kids, because it's time to cool off. 
 
 
Ice Queen




















A lesser known horror title that'll still leave your blood cold, there's plenty of ice and snow surrounding a monster of a woman who's only dangerous when the temperature gets above freezing.  You'll be craving January when you watch this sucker.
 
Black Christmas


 











The original or the remake, both of them come with plenty of snow, and the newest version also includes plenty of blackouts.  Cold and dark sufficient to make you think December, and all the Christmas lights and decor can only help to chill you. 
 
Sometimes They Come Back For More

 
 















When you're neck-deep in the Arctic Circle with a Murphy Brown alum, the cold chills can't help but run up and down your spine.  Seriously--you want to be stuck anywhere with demons, constant darkness, underground snow caves and Faith Ford?  No, I didn't think so.  And if you're not already shivering at the thought you're a stronger one than I am.   
 
Event Horizon

 
 











There is, technically, nothing colder than the depths of space, and when you tack on the sheer magnitude of the cold front in Event Horizon, you'll definitely be reaching for that cup of cocoa.  Further bonus comes from Larry Fishburne's magnificent performance and visuals that will give you the galloping creepsies. 
 
Gremlins


 











When Joe Dante really puts his mind to it he can do some downright amazing stuff.  Tromping through the snow after a race of tiny green mutant leprechaun-things sure puts you in a cold frame of mind, especially looking at the devastation caused around town. Let's all go caroling out in front of Mrs. Deagle's house!
 
30 Days of Night


 












This one just projects freezing cold.  Between the undead vampires running around the place, the pervasive month-long darkness and the sheer superabundance of snow, 30 Days of Night makes your blood run cold.  Not that the vampires care, you know—they’ll drink it either way. 
 
Wind Chill


 













Ever sit in a parking lot in winter for very long?  If you have you know how spectacularly cold it can get in that big metal box we call a car.  And Wind Chill will spend a surprisingly large and surprisingly scary amount of time out in a dead car in the snow.  Between the cold and the scares, Wind Chill should drop your core temperature nicely! 
 
Jack Frost 


 












I can hear you moaning from here, guys, but seriously--a movie about a killer snowman, no matter how B that particular movie is, cannot help but cool you off in these horrible weather conditions.  It's even better when it can provide a few laughs along with its constant snowfall, and Jack Frost should make even the most hardened horror experts (like yours everfreakintruly) giggle.   
 
Storm of the Century


 












Constant, continual Maine snowfall--one of those truly horrible snowfalls where a nor'easter meets a sou'wester or some such ridiculous shit like that--underscores the tale of a man who wants what he wants, and won't go away until he gets it.  With a runtime approaching six hours (it was a miniseries, you know!), Storm of the Century should go a long way towards cooling you off.
 
The Thing













This is it, kids...top of the heap for cold movies, not to mention a damn good movie in its own right.  As a personal aside, just to help you connect with the magnificence that is myself, I used to spend every Christmas Eve watching this movie.  Living where I do it snows pretty much every Christmas Eve, and I said, you know what?--because even then I had a huge propensity to talk to myself--I need a Christmas traditional movie that no one else would think of.  And so, I got The Thing.  Everyone looked at me like a total loon, but I said, come on!  There's snow and ice and wind and Wilford Brimley!  This whole thing probably takes place like ten miles from Santa's workshop!  And then people kept looking at me like a total loon and walked away.  But still--cold, snow, ice, Wilford Brimley.  All guaranteed to chill to the marrow.

- Steve Anderson